Hurt: Mad Dog Lane

[Demi]

Many thanks to Female Hawk, my beta-reader. She was very patient and put many work into it and made great suggestions. You are great!

No copyright infringement is intended, neither the setting nor the characters are mine.

For Tahu, enjoy!

***

Part 1

Mad Dog Lane is dead.

She died the day Superman died, although I didn’t know it at the time.

Mad Dog Lane died the day Clark Kent died – the day Superman died, because the two men were one and the same. She died along with my best friend and partner. What is left behind – me, Lois Lane - a mere shell of what I once was.

After my affair with Claude and the emotional disaster that followed, my co-workers started to call me ‘the ice-queen’ and ‘frigid’ because of the rumors he started. Back then I thought it was unfair to call me that … to judge me without really knowing me … I think that hurt me most, that my colleagues were shallow and didn’t care about MY feelings and my version of the story.

Those days helped me to become the woman I am now. They are responsible for me becoming the great reporter I am now, but they are also responsible for me being outwardly aggressive but vulnerable on the inside.

Now they have every right to call me those names, because after your death it seems my fire, my passion, my drive, everything that made me ‘Mad-Dog-Lane’ has left me, leaving only a cold and paralyzing feeling of despair, as if my heart is filled with pure ice.

The only feelings that remain are anger, fury, hatred and grief. Can you believe that, Clark? Once I would have said that anger, fury and hatred come with energy and passion, they would burn inside you, but the grief overshadows any bit of energy I might feel, extinguishes every spark of fire.

Although outwardly, the grief hasn’t appeared since your funeral … except when I’m home, watching ‘Ivory Tower’ for the millionth time.

I can’t allow myself to begin to cry for you - Clark, because if I begin to cry for you, I know there won’t be any way to stop.

At your funeral I admitted to myself for the first time that I love you. Now a few weeks have passed, I have begun to discover how much you had become a part of my life. When I get into or out of my coat, I think you are standing right behind me to help me with it. I even dropped my coat once at a restaurant at a dinner with Perry, Jimmy and Jack. It earned me several questioning looks and some pitiful stares from the other guests who probably remembered that I was Lex Luthor’s Ex-fiancée, but I didn’t care.

I have still the same routines I had before your death.

When I come home in the evening, I move to the window to open it, in case the last weeks were just a nightmare. Part of me still thinks Superman will show up in the evening to talk to me about some criminal or something else.

Nearly every other day I catch myself with one hand on the receiver while the other is halfway through dialing your number. When I realize what I’m going to do, I finish dialing and wait. I want to call you, to invite you over for an evening with beer, pizza and a Mel Gibson movie. That lasts for a few seconds, then it dawns on me that you won’t answer, that you’ll never answer again. Nevertheless, I pick up the receiver and put it on my ear – I’ll listen to your voice, just one last time – I tell myself … just one last time. Fortunately your apartment is still the way you left it, I don’t want to think of losing that connection with you, when your apartment is rented to another person …

I can’t remember how often that has happened, how often there had been a “last time” since I decided to let you go at your funeral. Although I said goodbye then, part of me couldn’t let it become real, so I didn’t really mean it. That was a white lie to help me endure the day of your funeral.

I have asked myself countless times if you are watching me from the other side … are you sitting there playing chess with Elvis and watching us? It is strange but that feeling consoles me somehow. It makes me feel supported and protected even if you are not here to save me from the trouble I manage to get myself in occasionally … sometimes … ok back in the good old days with the Planet on an almost daily basis.

It is said that the old building will be rebuilt in two or three weeks and that we could get back to work a mere week after that … every employee who isn’t employed elsewhere yet (and most of those too) can have back his pre-Lex job. Perry has actually managed to convince Franklin Stern to buy the Planet. Can you believe that Clark?

There is still so much I haven’t told you but I think you should know that your parents and I have become very close. They became my anchor. When I feel that I can’t hold up the façade anymore, I know I can call them and they’ll make me feel better. I think that is the only positive effect of your death, giving me the opportunity to feel what it is like to have a caring family. I would still trade that for just another week or even a single day with you.

In the last few days, I have begun to worry about your parents, they seem to have lost hope in the world and their faith in the future … your mother told me your dad stopped his diet and began to eat really unhealthily. Considering what you told me once about his problems with cholesterol and blood-pressure …

The other day your dad told me that your mom has developed sleeping problems and started to take the sleeping pills a doctor prescribed her. That is not unusual - but it has been a month and a half since you’ve gone. She still takes them … I’m not an expert but I know through my parents that those pills can lead to an addiction with severe outcomes. Taking those pills won’t help her with her grief.

They are still the most wonderful people I have ever known, but your death has changed them since our weekend in Smallville …

… What is that? Someone rapped at my door? I’ll ignore it, whoever it is, hopefully they will go away.

Now it becomes rather insistent, I’ll take a look through the peephole … a small man in an old-fashioned suit with a bowler, a mustache. He seems to be friendly but even Luthor seemed to be a decent and honest man and where did that get me? What does this strange man at my door want? It is already past eleven!

Now he calls me through my door, “Ms Lane! Excuse my interruption but it is of extreme importance that you listen to me… I know it is late but you have to listen to me. I have information concerning Clark Kent.” Before he mentioned your name I had intended to go back to bed, but something in his voice makes me stop, makes me believe him…

I open my door for him and let him come in … I don’t think I’ve anything to lose and this man doesn’t seem to be a threat to me. The man looks at me and extends his hand. “My name is Wells, Herbert George Wells”

Letting him in doesn’t seem to be such a good idea now. Is he kidding? Does he really think that he’s HG Wells? The writer? The DEAD writer?

“Ms Lane, I know that is hard to believe, but please let be explain before you judge me!”

I realize I haven’t said anything since I let him in. “Ok,” I manage to get out. “You have five minutes Mr. ‘Wells’. Don’t try anything funny because I’m not in the mood for it, comprende?”

“I understand, Ms Lane, but I assure you that it’ll be worth your time. I’m sure you know that I am a writer, but I am also an inventor and as a result I am now also a time traveler.” I snort; five minutes were too many for this whacko! Does he think I’m galactically stupid? “Ms Lane I know that Clark Kent is Superman…”

“Was!” I snap at him.

Oh my god … I’m sorry Clark! I can’t believe that I practically admitted that Wells’ assumption was right. But he doesn’t react and goes on.

“I know that you know it, you found out a few days after what was supposed to be your wedding. You began to think about your life in the previous weeks … being with Clark, with Superman and the only time you saw them together … You were worrying about Clark because he disappeared around the same time Superman was caught by Lex Luthor.”

I can only stare at him, I’m not convinced yet, but maybe I’ll grant him an additional minute.

“At some point you began wondering why Clark always disappeared before Superman came to the rescue,” Wells continued “You also noticed several similarities between the two of them. What made the coin drop was the evening the impostor-Superman came to your apartment and made you kiss him. Clark showed up and faced him. He caught Superman’s hand when the ‘hero’ tried to beat him for interrupting and he actually made him back down. No earthling could do that; let alone come out of it without being severely hurt. You didn’t think about this too much until after the tragic events in the previous weeks.”

We looked each other in the eye and he seemed to sense he had nearly convinced me. “Ms Lane, you knew you couldn’t marry Luthor when you stood in your wedding-dress in front of a mirror only a few minutes before the ceremony. You tried your name with Luthor’s and that didn’t seem to fit, then you tried ‘Lane-Kent’ and you knew what was buried deep within your heart - that Clark Kent is the only man you ever wanted to be with.”

By the time he finished I had tears in my eyes. Being reminded of those precious moments before you died made the tears I’d been holding for weeks flow freely.

“Why?” I ask him “Why do you do this? Is it some sick joke? How am I supposed to overcome my grief if you show up and remind of what I can’t have anymore? Of what I gave away without knowing it?” My voice cracks, but I don’t care.

“Ms Lane, please, you don’t understand I’m not here to make you suffer! I am here to correct history.”

I don’t understand him. What does he mean ‘correct history’? That isn’t possible “Mr. uh … Wells? Please, what exactly is it that you want from me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Ms Lane! I want you to go back in time to save Mr. Kent.”

I think I’m going to faint. Am I dreaming? A sudden surge of hope wells up in me, but I try to suppress it. Hope is the cruelest of feelings – it appears when you don’t want it and you are devastated when it is destroyed. What this man is suggesting can’t be possible. It can’t be that easy. Life doesn’t work that way!

“Mr. Wells, what exactly can I do? You seem to know everything that happened in the last few months, why don’t you do it yourself?” I ask.

“You are an insider, you are the only one who can work against Luthor without raising suspicion. You are an intelligent and vigorous woman and you have a personal reason to help Clark – you love him!”

“Why do you do this? In our time you are already dead, there is no benefit for *you*!” I ask him.

“You are right Ms Lane that is nothing I do for myself, but I think an extraordinary man like Clark Kent deserves a second chance.”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and say, “Ok, what do I have to do?”

“Come with me and I’ll take you back. You’ll arrive a few days before the wedding. It is essential that you tell no one about what you know because that would cause a temporal disruption.”

Temporal disruption? I shake my head. What is he talking about?

“Once you are in the past, the timeline we’re in now will cease to exist; the same will happen to your memories, only that will take a little bit longer.” That sounded as if it was taken out of a science fiction novel or a comic book. “Make sure you either take foolproof notes or you change things very early after your arrival.”

I try to assemble this implausible information into something believable.

“We need time to remain stable or we’ll cause time ripples. To minimize the risk of severe temporal damage I’ll only send your consciousness back. Meeting a version of yourself which is only a few days younger *and* changing the situation which caused the time travel is too dangerous. That means you will have to stay for a few minutes or even hours in your own body without having control over it.”

I stare at him. “I don’t care, as long as I get the chance to save Clark”

“Very well, Ms Lane then I’d like you to follow me.”

***********

I wake up; it feels like regaining consciousness after a coma.

Was it real? Or had everything been a dream?

I don’t care; the only thing I know is that I have to call Clark to excuse myself for the way I treated him – in recent days and when we first worked together. I want to tell him that it wasn’t fair of me to expect him to get Superman … Superman … Clark – they are one and the same! Clark Jerome Kent, the farmer’s son from Kansas is in reality Superman … and … he died … was killed on what was supposed to be my wedding day, was killed by the man who was supposed to become my husband!

It all comes back to me suddenly. It is real, or should I say it was real it – is future now, or can become future – I think, this is so confusing – I can change it!

Time to get up! I have to shape history!

<What is this? My body doesn’t move … come on, get up … move … anything …> I have to save Clark; he’ll die if I can’t help him.

Then I notice tears streaming down my face … at least now I know which day it is … I woke up in tears several days before the wedding the day after Clark told me he loves me and Superman rejected me.

For now I give up the fight against my own body, Wells warned me about it, I’ll just have to be patient – GREAT – patience has never been one of my strengths. I really hope I’ll regain the power to control my own body soon. I don’t know how long I can cope with helplessness.

*****

I endure being dragged through my first working day at LNN … dragged by myself … my *former* self, being a prisoner in my own body – it feels like watching TV, only there’s no remote control to turn it off!

When I lived this day the first time I was excited, everything was new - new colleagues, a new news-organization. But now all I want is to go home to find a way to talk to you.

I brought a folder with me. I keep the most important of my articles in it – many of them are about Superman … you – remembering these makes me feel closer to you. While I’m looking at the pictures, all my memories of the previous year together come back. I want to cry, but I can’t, my body won’t obey. After I have been sitting there for a while, I notice a tear running down my face… did I cry the last time? Or am I beginning to gain control over my body?

Then I notice an increase in the hubbub in front of my office. I put the folder back into my bag and stand up to look for what causes the noise – I know what causes it because I have been here before. I even know the name of the two arrested councilmen - Ferdig and Montang. I wish I could tell the other reporters and just leave, I have more important things to do … being stuck in your own body is frustrating – to say the least!

****

Finally, my first – and hopefully last – day at LNN is over. As before, I found out the names of the arrested councilmen for the LNN anchorwoman, Sandra Ellis. At the moment I am preparing myself for Perry’s retirement party, I can’t wait because I’m going to see you. I’ll see you and I can warn you, so this whole nightmare won’t happen, and I can tell you that I love you, not only as a brother and a friend but the way a husband and wife love each other.

I’m done just in time to get into the limousine Lex insisted he send for me … knowing what I know now, I’d rather drive myself, or take a cab, or even walk. Perhaps Lex had bugs installed so he could hear every word spoken during our ride to pick up everyone – except you. If that was the case, we were lucky that our minds were occupied with subjects other than Lex and his legal and illegal businesses.

The moment we walk into the party, I feel my heartbeat increase. I can’t believe I’m going to see you soon. I haven’t seen you since you died and that was several weeks ago. Is it really possible, or has everything been a dream and I am going to wake up seconds before you show up?

What if this dream bursts like a soap-bubble?

I anticipate your arrival. The need to talk to you has become so strong it feels almost like a physical ache. While I wait I think about what I’d like to do – grab you and pull you into the corner the moment I see you. I imagine what it would be like … just the thought of it causes excitement to tingle through me. But I know I can’t – this is Perry’s party and I can’t behave like that. I can’t be rude to Perry, he’s like a father to me.

Finally you arrive and my heart takes a leap. I’m so happy to see you after I thought I’d never see you again. In my mind I run over to you and jump right into your arms and plan to never let you go again. But I wonder if you would believe me even if I *could* do what I want.

I want to raise my arm to indicate where I am … but I can’t. All I can manage is a slight twitch in my arm and my mouth opens a little bit … damn, I have to do something while I still have my memories. How am I supposed to do that without the ability to control my actions? … If I could, I would scream out loud in frustration.

This party was awkward the first time with everything that had happened the previous day. But this time I’m not unhappy about my rejected love, I am angry about my situation.

You and I are sitting next to each other. My hands are aching to touch you. You are here, mere inches from me – I can smell your cologne, so tantalizingly near – but I can’t move my body … it feels as if you are miles away. My heart craves your touch, your hand on the small of my back, or even one of your unique smiles made just for me … I hope I haven’t wiped it off your face permanently.

While we sit together, Perry toasts the Planet and tells us several of his Elvis stories. I hear myself telling him that he could finally go on his trip to Graceland now. Poor Perry, I wish Wells had sent me a few days earlier so the Planet could have escaped destruction. It would have spared him so much pain.

Now Perry is singing ‘Lonely Teardrops’ and following one of the belly dancers leaving Jimmy, you and me behind.

I know what comes next … Jimmy tries some small talk and asks me about my new job at LNN. I tune it out I don’t want to follow the stupid argument that follows, me praising the work in a TV station and you – still moping about our confrontation in the park and the other one in my apartment the previous evening – replying acrimoniously.

But now I hear myself asking you if I could talk to you alone … that could be my chance …

“You are ruining Perry’s retirement party!” I begin. <Come on, I have to do something, say something different from before.>

“Me? I’m not the one gloating over my new job!” you reply angrily. This conversation is taking the same course it did before. I have to change it

“Gloating? Clark, stop please I have …” I manage to get out before you interrupt me … <will you ever let speak me out? I am trying to save you, would you please let me talk to you?>

“All you can talk about is your new life with Lex Luthor.” You shake your head in disgust. “You are only doing this because you are afraid of admitting your feelings to yourself, you are afraid of the truth, that Lex Luthor may be hiding from you what really happened at the Planet…” I have to try again perhaps … I said a few words, different words to those I said before…

“CLARK!” I interrupt you, but then I feel myself losing control again, “You are talking about a man I trust and admire, who has always been completely truthful with me.” Did I really believe that? “If you really cared about me, you’d let me … *help* me to be happy. I’ve gotten a good job and found someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. What’s wrong with that?”

“Okay!” You reply angrily. “If that’s what you want, then … fine. Get in bed with the devil!”

I feel the anger of my other self. “Fine …”

“Let’s get back to the party,” he snaps. <NO that can’t be, Clark! Stay!>

“And have a *really* *good* *time*.” My other self adds. Inwardly, I sigh silently in defeat. Hopefully it won’t be long until I can try again.

Unfortunately there is no other chance for me to get you to talk in private and I still can’t control my body. It has become difficult to determine what I’ve already forgotten. Maybe writing it down would help lessen my confusion. But I would have to ensure that my notes remained completely private.

Though the rest of the evening I can’t take my eyes off you, still not believing that you are here. I’m on the verge of crying – how can life be so cruel – giving Clark back to me but not letting me be near to him.

***

All too soon the party ends and we get ready to go home. We leave together mostly because I promised Lex to meet him this evening and by the time we leave Perry is completely wasted. You and Jimmy help me put Perry into the car. The limousine awaits us in front of the bar and all of us get in … except you - again.

Before I get in and close the door, Jimmy makes a comment about how having a free car with driver must be nice. You hear him and reward his thoughtless comment by mentioning that someone like Luthor will always make you pay because free doesn’t exist in his vocabulary. I barely stop myself from shouting after you. I think I remember, the first time I asked you to stop these remarks against Lex before asking you to join us … I wonder how I could ever have thought you would drive with us considering how we’d treated each other. I can’t believe how blind and ignorant I’ve been.

***

After the limousine stops in front of Lex Tower, I shudder because now comes the meeting with Lex; the time when I told him I would marry him. I think I have already changed a few things like the conversation with Clark earlier. I can only hope that I will be able to avoid saying ‘yes’ to Lex.

I get into the building and enter the guarded elevator to Lex’s apartment. The cabin arrives at the top floor and the doors open. I feel myself going into the penthouse’s study where Lex awaits me.

He gets up and steps in front of me and asks: “So … how was the retirement dinner?”

“I’d say as expected,” I reply. Perhaps I should accept his proposal in spite of what I know … I could find out more about Lex and see to it that Lex’s fall comes earlier to prevent some of your pain or at least lessen it …

No, if I want to lessen your pain, I have to refuse the proposal. I think that was one of the hardest moments in your life … seeing the woman you love agree to marry your worst enemy.

I could still try to get something out of Lex - something no one found out in my timeline because Lex was already dead.

“Lex could I ask you something? Do you tell me everything about yourself? Even those things you don’t want anyone else to know?”

“Yes dear!” I shudder inwardly, I wish I could call Superman and make him take me away from the evil man in front of me. “My life is an open book. Shall I read it to you?” <Yeah an open book,> I think, <and if you know how to read between the lines, the book becomes a horror novel.>

“Tell me how you became the third richest man in the world.”

“Okay.” He seems to think a bit, then continues, “I started with nothing … orphaned at age thirteen. It made me lonely … but strong.” He pauses again to consider his words. “I’m no saint, Lois. I’ve done questionable things in pursuing success. Unfortunately, that's the nature of big business.”

I realize that asking him was as futile as it has been before. I decide to stop him “Lex …” but then I notice that the control my body is gone … again. <No! Not now! I can’t let this happen again.> I struggle to get back the control while Lex goes on telling me his lies. I feel the panic rising inside, this can’t happen again.

“But as god is my witness, I swear to you from this moment on, I will change. I no longer want to hurt anyone.” <Liar! > Lex probably had the cage already built by now. I know now that he wanted to make sure you would suffer.> Lex goes to his desk to get the ring and comes back to me. He’ll propose again now. What I want to do is take that ring and put it where it belongs – in the trash bin.

“Lois I’m ready to devote my life to you, to commit to you utterly and eternally.” He gets down on his knee and I have the nagging feeling of being watched again.

“Will you marry me?” I shudder inwardly again and try to bring up every ounce of willpower to fight what I know came next. <Say no! No! NO!>

“N … Yes … Lex I will marry you.” Lex doesn’t seem to have noticed the slight hesitation in my voice. He pulls me toward him and we kiss. If I could, I would throw up.

Now I see what I only could assume before. I can feel you and I can see you from the corner of my eye. You are hovering out of the window, not near enough to be seen easily but this time, I know who I’m looking for.

You throw your head back and fly straight into the sky. I wonder where you are heading. Seconds later I hear it … I’m sure of that now … I hear you scream but I don’t hear you with my ears but with my heart. I have never heard anything like that before … your scream … so hopeless … full of anger … grief … so utterly lost. I want to hold you in my arms and assure you that I’d never marry this man.

I can’t believe I tormented you like that.

Suddenly I realize that Luthor and I are still kissing. This is the first time I am thankful that I am not in control who knows how Luthor would have reacted if I had repelled his advances.

Mercifully I make my exit soon after the proposal … At the moment I can’t stand myself … I can’t believe how shallow I was … how, in my confusion I mistook Lex for something he could never be … and missed the depth and beauty of the man I thought could be nothing more than a friend.

t. b. c.

[Demi]

Hi everyone here is the second part. Again thanks to Female Hawk, especially for her last minute suggestions. You are great!

Tahu made me post again so soon by being so brave. ^^

***************

Part 2

When I wake up the next morning, I feel exhausted. Have I really been sent into the past? Have I seen HG Wells, the dead writer? Everything seems a bit foggy at first, but after several minutes I begin to remember everything. I *think* I remember everything … there is no way of being sure.

Now I have to test to see if I’m in control of my own body … I stretch my limbs and smile …

The first time around, I spent today meeting Lex and going over the plans for our apartment, but I don’t want to waste any time on an apartment I’ll never live in.

To make sure this day won’t proceed as frustratingly as yesterday I have to plan ahead. And it’s galling to know that the person most likely to foil my plans is Lois Lane … myself.

I grab a piece of paper and write down what I intend to do today, perhaps my other self will follow the instructions written by herself.

1.) Cancel the meeting with Lex

2.) Visit Clark, tell him that you believe him, because he is right about Lex

3.) Write a letter for Clark, just in case number 2 doesn’t go well

4.) Find evidence!!!

I begin with the first point and grab the telephone from my nightstand.

Nervously I dial Lex’s number to cancel our appointment. I remember some cuddling and kissing between Lex and me, and I *really* don’t want to do that again. After a few seconds the call is answered by Mrs. Cox; I tell her who I am and what I want.

“Lois, Darling!” Lex greets me. Just the sound of his voice is enough to make me squirm. “What can I do for you? Shall I send my chauffeur to get you? You know my fiancée doesn’t have to drive herself, don’t you?”

Suddenly I realize this won’t be easy. Lex hasn’t become a man in his position by being easily fooled.

I hope he won’t be angry with me. He told me – after the proposal – that he wanted to get married as soon as possible. *He* set the date for the wedding ceremony, which limited our engagement to seven days. How could I ever have considered marrying a man who wants to control everything around him, especially me?

“Lex, I called you to cancel our appointment … I don’t feel well today … I don’t want to infect you.” I tell him. Because of my work I know to lie only if it is necessary. If one tells too many lies, he’ll get caught in them at some point, so I try to tell Lex something which almost true. You are the best example, Clark … the stories you told me were unbelievably bad … it is a miracle no one ever figured your secret out.

When Lex answers this time his voice has changed slightly … I think it sounds a bit enraged … am I such a bad liar … or is Lex’s patience unbelievably thin? “Dear, I hope it isn’t too serious, should I send my personal doctor to you?”

“No Lex, perhaps I haven’t slept enough! I’ll call you tomorrow!” I reply quickly – not too quickly, I hope.

“Ok Lois, you call me if you need anything! We meet tomorrow then! Bye, dear!”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and reply, “Yeah, bye … dear.” Saying those words to him makes me shudder. There is only one man who I want to hear me say those words – that man is you!

But there are things more important than that. Things like saving you and convincing the love of my life that I wasn’t thinking clearly that day in the park when I said I didn’t love you.

I get up and take a notebook without bothering to dress properly. Why should I? There is no one who could see me.

I take a pen and start to write.

‘Clark Kent is … the love of my life’ I begin to write. Then I hesitate, I should write something to explain because if my other self reads it the other day, she’ll just ignore it or worse throw it away without reading it too closely.

‘Remember the time in Smallville, how wonderful it was being with Clark. Think about the day Mr. Make-up tried to kill you. Who stayed with you, even though you told him not to?’ I hope that is clear enough to convince myself.

Ok now for the next bit. How do I tell myself that you are you, that Clark is Superman without writing those words down in case anyone else reads this?

‘Remember the day Superman was in your apartment and remember the way Clark greeted him. Think of how Clark’s allergies affected him in Smallville and think of his finger.’

I can only hope that I’ll understand my own hints if I need them…

I’ll write another note to let myself know what I have to do. But what exactly do I write? If I tell myself to help you as Clark I won’t know that you are in danger of dying from the hand of Lex. I also can’t tell myself how evil Lex is or that you are in that horrible cage in case Lex finds them in my bag.

I also can’t write to help Superman because knowing myself I think I’ll forget everything else but Superman. My being absent would enrage Lex and that could lead to Lex making the decision to kill Superman earlier. Also if Lex reads the note he’ll decide to kill you right away.

The only thing that is neutral enough is ‘Save him’. I can only hope that it will be enough …

The next thing on my list is writing the letter. Perhaps I’ll manage to get you to listen to me, perhaps I’ll get a chance to offer my heart to you – the real you – the mild mannered superhero, like you offered me your heart.

I take a new piece of paper and start a note for you.

Dear Clark!

I have some important things to tell you, but I don’t know how …
I thought being a reporter would make writing this easier but I can’t find the right words. Nothing seems to fit.
There are so many things I want to explain to you but I want to do it face to face, because you deserve nothing less.
Unfortunately I don’t know when I will be able to … sometimes I don’t seem to be myself.

Please, regardless of what I say when we see each other the next time … I need a chance to tell you how I really feel …

I can’t tell you anything specific but stay away from Lex.

Please don’t lose hope,
In love
Lois

Will you believe me? I haven’t given you any reason to trust me with your heart again in the previous days since I came here. I can only hope …

I sigh and grab an envelope, put the letter in it and write ’Clark’ on it.

I look at my watch, it is already past three in the afternoon I think I’ll get dressed and go for a walk and visit Clinton Street. I hope that you’re home so I can talk to you.

***

On my way to your apartment, I notice my steps becoming slower … I’m nervous … although it wasn’t me who accepted Luthor’s proposal this time, I begin to develop a guilty conscience. But I have to do this, I reassure myself, for us … if there can still be an ‘us’ … if I haven’t destroyed it.

I will myself to walk faster, I won’t postpone this … it is too important … your life could depend on it.

Finally I reach your apartment, my limbs begin to tremble slightly with anticipation. What if you are not at home? What if you are, but not alone? What if you don’t want to talk to me?

I can’t face the others at the moment. I have failed you, and them as well. I want to talk to you and only you, if I have to explain any of this to them I think I’ll lose my nerve.

There you are! You are walking home … and you are not looking very happy … I guess that’s understandable considering the events of the previous day.

“Clark!” I call you. “Can I talk to you?” You come over to me. There is a strange mixture of hope, fear, hurt, love and several other emotions I can’t recognize before you cover all of them.

Suddenly all the tension is gone – overwhelmed by the joy of seeing you again I notice there are shadows under your eyes, where do they come from? I have seen you after ‘Superman’ helped for over 48 hours following a severe disaster. Then you were emotionally worn out but not physically.

Then it hits me, kryptonite! Lex must have tested it before coating the cage!

“Sure, come in Perry and the others are there, too. They’ll be happy to see you,” you reply.

“No, I want to talk in private! Clark, I have something to tell you, it’s about Lex … I … he- ” I begin but I’m interrupted. If only I could tell you what you what I just discovered.

“What? That you are engaged? To Lex? That you are happy with him? I already know these things. You want me to attend the ceremony? Forget it! Or do you want me again to tell Superman?” I am surprised how mad you are … I knew you would be mad considering what you saw yesterday, but I have never seen you like this before! You are furious and it is my fault. Perhaps it is also caused by the kryptonite exposure, perhaps your mild-manneredness is also a superpower and therefore weakened by the horrible green stuff.

This thought almost makes me laugh.

But what amazes me the most is you telling me openly that you already know about my engagement, neither I nor my other self have told you about it and Lex … I know a man in his position would make an engagement public knowledge … but it is too early for that unless … either Lex sent you a message to torment you further … or seeing us together has brought you to a point where you don’t care about his actions.

“ … Clark how do you know about our … ‘engagement’?” I ask, finding it difficult to even mention my betrothal to the worst crime-lord Metropolis has ever seen. Something tells me that it is also important to find out why you are acting so much out of character at the moment.

“What do you think?” you reply. “Instead of hearing it from the woman I thought was my best friend … the secretary of my worst enemy calls me this morning. She told me you ordered her to inform me of your upcoming wedding. I know I put you in a difficult position when I told you I loved you, but discovering you don’t feel the need to take the time to tell me in person … that hurt, Mrs. Luthor.”

I flinch – Hearing you call me that makes me shudder. Lex has to be responsible … you are his second archenemy after the other you – Superman – and he intends to make you suffer as much as he can … in both guises.

But you practically told me that you are Superman, you called Luthor your ‘worst enemy’ and … do you really think I wouldn’t tell you myself about my engagement? That hurts … although you are right I can’t remember telling you about it the last time … you just seemed to know it somehow …

Realizing that telling you anything concerning Luthor will only upset you further, I take the letter out of my pocket and give it to you.

You hesitate slightly before accepting the letter with a confused “Thanks!” Then you look at it before asking me in a cold voice “Is that my invitation? You already know that I won’t come!”

I shake my head and without waiting another second, I turn away from you and leave in defeat.

I think I can feel your pain, I *can* feel it … beginning in your heart and spreading out, seeping into every cell, so intense it becomes nearly physical. Or is my pain, reflecting yours?

After a few heart-broken steps, I hear you take a deep calming breath. Hoping that you have changed your mind, I turn back to you – just in time to see you disappear into your apartment.

Silently I begin to cry … I have very little time left, all I’ve managed to do is argue with you and jot down some cryptic notes without having a clue if I’ll understand them, or even find them before it is too late.

***

On my way home I begin to calm down. It won’t help anyone if I get lost in my desperation. I take time to think over my next steps. I still feel miserable … the last two meetings with you didn’t go very well.

I don’t know how long my memory will be there … how long I have until I have forgotten everything I know. Time moves quickly. There are only one and a half precious days left until my marriage and even less until Luthor locks you in that horrible cage. I can only hope that somehow I’ll be able to prevent it tomorrow.

Tomorrow … I don’t think I can postpone the meeting with Lex again so I think I have to bite the bullet. I hope that I’m done with it soon, but if I can keep Lex busy, he won’t be able to capture you.

I’m one block from my apartment when I hear a noise coming from an alley, I decide to ignore the noise, probably it was a cat. Seconds later I feel myself being dragged into said alley. ‘Not now’ I think irritated ‘this day is bad enough as it is, I don’t need another thug dragging me god-knows-where!’

“Come on, Missy! The boss wants to see you.” The boss? But the boss is Lex and he won’t tell one of his lowest henchmen either his plans or his identity … This has to be a ruse, but for what? Lex can’t know that I went for a walk, can he? ‘IF he does know’ I think shuddering ‘how did he find out? Where has he planted his bugs?’ This is disgusting! What have I put myself into?

Before I can think about Lex’s possible reasons, I hear a thud indicating Superman has landed behind me … you must have been watching me … the thug is snatched away from me and faster than I can see – and without a word – he is taken to the nearest police station.

I begin to worry. Normally you aren’t so tight lipped, even to the criminals … I can only hope that my letter had the desired effect and we have the time to talk soon.

As soon is you’ve left I notice Lex exiting his limousine and walking up to me. Now it dawns on me why someone tried to drag me away … Lex tried to get my gratitude, but you got in his way. Again I think this was very amateurish … for one of Lex’s plans.

“Darling, is everything all right?”

I nod, not sure what to say.

When you arrive seconds later I see the concern in your eyes, but it disappears completely after you spot Lex. You try to clear every emotion from your face, but I see a faint trace of … is it hatred? Do you hate me? Have I hurt you too much?

“Is everything OK, Ms Lane?” I’m shocked to hear you use my last name, even as Superman you began to call me Lois very early in our relationship.

Worse yet … Lex noticed it too.

His lips twitched slightly, before he hides it – not wanting anyone to see his evil grin. I realize he sees his plan is working. I am separated from my friends and … I’m doing it myself … I had the chance to see Perry and the others again but I refused Clark’s offer.

I have to find a plausible way to make sure you take me home.

I nod to you, before Lex begins to talk to me. “How are you my dear Lois? Come, my chauffeur will bring you home safely.“

“Lex, thank you for offering to take me home, but I’d rather go with Superman, if he doesn’t mind.”

“Lois, I think Superman has more crucial things to do than take you home.” Lex answers me before he grabs my hand and begins to lead me out of the alley.

I throw a pleading look in your direction, hoping that Lex doesn’t notice. I free my hand from Lex’s grip. “Lex, I know that, but Superman is one of my best friends and I haven’t seen him for some days now. And I really want to go with HIM!” I can tell that Lex doesn’t like this but I don’t care! I need some time with my best friend, even though he doesn’t know that I know he IS my best friend.

You shoot a stern look to Lex and say. “Mr. Luthor, the lady said she prefers to come with me.” With that you lift me up and rise into the sky. I think Lex is fuming, serves him right!

I can hear Lex getting into his car and slamming the door before his driver starts the engine. I look into your eyes and take all my courage to tell you what I have on my heart.

“Superman, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for throwing myself at you. I shouldn’t have expected you would believe me. I acted like a moony-eyed cheerleader … You told me I was special to you and I appreciate that but I think you need a friend not a fan.”

You are silent. I can barely see your face … I can’t tell if the silence is a good or a bad sign. I take a deep breath and try to think about what I can say next.

“I have thought about it, I want to be your friend, nothing more and nothing less. If you still like me at all. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you called me with my last name and I won’t let you get away with it. Neither will I accept you calling me Mrs. Luthor because I won’t give up my name regardless of who I marry, you hear?”

You look at me with a confused stare and stop mid-flight, I don’t think you anticipated me being blunt, but I had to get you attention.

“I have to tell you something very important … I … you …” I shake my head. I wanted to say something to warn … I don’t know … someone I know … or at least I think so. But what exactly did I have in my mind … I can’t remember. It was about Clark … and Superman …and Lex, I think. Are the three of them in danger … but there is nothing they have in common.

“Lois, are you all right?” Superman asks me.

“Yes! Just a bit dizzy …” I answer. “What were we talking about?”

“You don’t know? You wanted to tell me something but then you stopped and shook your head … you’re sure that everything is ok? Did that man hit you? Has he used anything on you?” That is so confusing. I know I wanted to say something, but the harder I try to remember the less I can grasp the memory.

I remember being dragged in an alley, being saved by Superman … then Lex …I refused Lex’s offer to bring me home, instead I asked Superman to escort me …

Why did I want anyone to bring me? I am only one block away from my apartment, I could have gone alone!

Why did I ask Superman? He was rude when he was at my apartment a few days before … Lex is my fiancé … he should have brought me home, if I needed anyone to!

Superman is just a friend, but Lex is my husband-to-be … perhaps that is the beginning of the nervousness before my wedding.

I realize that Superman is looking at me, obviously awaiting an answer … What was his question?

“I’m sure … Would you take me home now? I think I’m just nervous, my marriage is in two days, you know?”

Superman flinches. Why does he care about my marriage? He made it clear he didn’t believe my declaration of love.

He was rude and made an offending comment about the nightgown I wore, told me not to bother about putting on a bathrobe unless it was made of lead. I can’t believe he said that, he implied that he used his x-ray-vision on me!

Finally we reach my apartment building I jump away from him and fix him with my best ‘spill it or else’ glare. “Superman, did you ever use your x-ray-vision on me?”

He looks shocked, as if he’s asking himself why I ask. “No Lois, I’d never …” then it seems to dawn on him where my thoughts are heading. “I’m sorry about that comment — it was horrible, but I got some really bad news a few hours before so … I guess it was the stress speaking.”

Superman received bad news … does he have anyone to talk? “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have … do you want to talk about it?”

His expression hardens – only for a second – but I see it. “No!” and he turns to fly away. I grab his arm to stop him.

“Wait!” I tell him. “Talk to me. I can see you are suffering! I thought we were friends; friends talk to each other! Talking makes it better! Tell me what has happened to you. Did you have to do a hard rescue?”

He sighs. “No!” then he hesitates before continuing. “I had a heart-to-heart with someone which didn’t go well. I poured out my heart and I was rejected.”

I gasp, that was why he said ‘under the circumstances I don’t think I can.‘ He has another woman or perhaps even a man somewhere and I can see now from his pain that he is deeply in love. But how could anyone reject him? He is an amazing person … generous, gentle and gorgeous to name only a few of his qualities. Doesn’t this *person* realize that he needs someone to talk to? How can anyone be so superficial? If only I could be the friend Superman turns to.

Deciding that actions speak louder than words I step closer to Superman and take him into an embrace, hoping that it will ease some of his pain but instead he tenses and slips out of the hug. Obviously his pain runs deeply.

He tells me goodbye and leaves.

I shake my head and open the door, I try to make sense of the things I have witnessed this evening. Lex, Superman and Clark; why does every man in my life act so strange? Is it me? Or do I pick only those men with a strange streak?

After I enter my apartment I notice that I’m very tired, I put on a sleeping shirt and go into my bathroom. While I get ready for bed I can’t stop thinking … I hate that feeling, I know I’m missing something Important, I forgot something … I know it is just below the surface of my consciousness … just out of reach. That makes me crazy.

When I lay in my bed I think about calling Clark, but then I remember that I have visited him tonight … how could I have forgotten that?

I slip under the covers and close my eyes … the day after tomorrow I’ll be married, I’ll be Mrs. Lex Luthor … the third richest woman in the world … Why am I not deliriously happy?

t. b. c.

[Demi]

Hi, here is the next part, I hope you like it. Thanks to Female Hawk for BR.

For Tahu who is patiently awaiting a new part.

******

Part 3

I’ll marry Lex … there are only a few precious hours left until tomorrow. I have so much to do, I have to pack a bag for honeymoon …Lex told me I wouldn’t have to because he could buy me everything I wanted and … clothing would be optional. Somehow I am not completely comfortable with the thought of being naked in front of Lex … strange, but maybe it’s just some sort of pre-wedding nervousness.

I should also begin to pack my personal things in boxes, empty my kitchen cupboards … I still haven’t given my landlord the notice of cancellation for my apartment. Why did I delay all these things? I canceled yesterday’s meeting with Lex – instead I’m going to meet him today …that means I have even less time … what did I have in my mind? Lucy’s therapist Mrs. Friskin perhaps would tell me that my postponing has a deeper meaning … that is why I never went to a therapist myself; they think everything has another meaning.

It is really strange … since yesterday I have this disturbing feelings about Lex … and Clark …and Superman.

When I think about Lex, there is this feeling of … I don’t know how to describe it … but I feel slightly… creepy … odd … dislike … but I shrug it off, Lex is a philanthropist.

Superman … I worry about him, I have a nagging feeling that something bad will happen to him.

I have the same feeling concerning Clark … but it is stronger. I can only remember fighting with him in the last days … I should be angry with him but instead I want to take him in my arms and protect him and soothe him … I have absolutely no clue why there is a need to protect him, Clark is a grown man, he should be able to protect himself. But Clark is still a hick from Smallville, Kansas; I think that is why I have these feelings.

I call Lex’s office and make an appointment with Lex today at 10 a.m. I should get ready, if I don’t want to be late.

When I leave my building I see Lex’s limousine waiting for me. Didn’t I tell him that I want to drive myself? Perhaps I forgot … I sigh, enter the car and the driver starts the engine to take me to my apartment.

***

Soon I’ll live in a big apartment with my husband … tomorrow is my wedding … in less than 24 hours I’ll be Mrs. Lex Luthor. Could life be better for me? … If only Clark and Superman would come to my wedding, if only the Planet hadn’t been destroyed, if only …

Our bedroom will be about three thousand square feet … I hope I won’t get lost in the apartment during the first days. Why do we need such a big apartment? I doubt we’ll need it.

Lex thinks French doors will make the room look smaller … how can a three thousand square feet bedroom possibly look small?

Am I doing the right thing? Do I really want to marry Lex? What if what I do is wrong?

I thought I would be happy to plan my new life, but instead I couldn’t wait for this meeting to end …

At some point we are interrupted by Mrs. Cox, Lex’s personal assistant. I don’t like her, she’s so smug and she seems to know everything about Lex — things I don’t know; it makes me crazy. Perhaps I can tell Lex to replace her. And this Series K field test she spoke of … there is something about that … it makes me nervous … she seems dangerous.

Lex knows me so well, when I feel sad he takes me in his arms and he even told me to call Clark after he found out that I miss him so much … he doesn’t seem jealous of my connection with Clark. I don’t think many men would accept another man in a close relationship with his fiancée or wife.

I can’t explain why I think so, but there is something about the way Lex suggested that I call Clark. As if he thinks I wouldn’t see him again soon. I have a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, I’m sure something will happen in the next 24 hours but I can’t say what.

Finally we have spoken about everything and I tell Lex that I am going to head home. My plan was to hail a cab but Lex insists that I take his Mercedes convertible, he tells me a Luthor doesn’t have to take a cab.

I don’t know why but I shudder inwardly when he refers to me as a Luthor … I sense that I have no choice but to accept Lex’s offer.

***

I’m on my way home when I change my mind and drive to Clark’s apartment instead of mine, I’ll try to talk to him perhaps he will come to my wedding tomorrow when he realizes how much it would mean to me, how much our separation has hurt me.

I park the convertible in front of his building and walk up to his entrance. Then I notice Superman shooting up into the sky. I wonder where he’s going now and why he has been at Clark’s apartment … At least I know Clark is home because otherwise Superman wouldn’t have been here.

I knock at the door … nothing, perhaps it wasn’t loud enough. I try again — louder, this time I use his doorbell … but still … nothing.

Clark doesn’t seem to be at home, but what was Superman doing here without Clark?

I sigh and get into the car to drive back home. I think I’ll try to reach Clark later. Maybe I’ll call him after I have packed my bag for the honeymoon.

Suddenly I feel … I don’t know … nausea and a dull ache in me. I stop the car at the curb and try to examine where the feeling comes from but strangely I can’t determine it. I shake my head to clear it and continue my drive back home, there is too much left to do to dwell over strange feelings. Perhaps it was also caused by the upcoming wedding. Most women get anxious before their wedding, don’t they? I’m marrying the third richest man in the world, I have a lot to be anxious about

***

When I am at home again I go on to pack my bag. Just before I am ready I notice some notes, strangely I can’t remember writing them …

Clark … the love of my life? No, that can’t be! Although I know I don’t love Lex with my whole heart. I am about to throw them away but my curiosity gets the better of me and I read the rest of my writing…

***

Today is my wedding day, I should be deliriously happy but instead I’m confused. Last night when I prepared the bag for our honeymoon, I found some notes written in my own handwriting.

The first said ‘Clark Kent is the love of my life’ I would have dismissed it except the following sentences caused me to remember our time at the Smallville Corn Festival; I remembered the warm look in Clark’s eyes and how afraid I was when I thought Trask would shoot him. Then I remembered him being with me when Mr. Make-Up tried to kill me. I would never have admitted it, but I only felt safe when Clark was there. There are several other memories flooding my mind and every one of them shows me how much I feel for him.

The next note was even more unbelievable … it told me again to remember the Corn Festival, when Clark cut his finger …it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do! He also developed these strange allergies … he didn’t have them before or after. Indeed he didn’t show any of the typical symptoms like the itching or the swollen eyes.

I didn’t know what this second note meant until I thought about the other event it mentioned. The evening ‘Superman’ came into my apartment and kissed me – I have never felt really awkward in Superman’s presence until then – Superman’s kiss was hard and demanding instead of gentle and loving. I discovered that this man whoever he was couldn’t be Superman. I’d kissed the hero before … the man in the costume wasn’t him.

I had never been that scared before — having a super powered stranger with an obviously romantic interest in me frightened me! He didn’t frighten me because he was super-powered but because he didn’t seem to have any of the boundaries Superman normally had

But then Clark came and stopped him. The fake hero threatened him and he didn’t back down! Clark actually caught his hand and brought it down! Although I asked him if he were out of his mind, I was relieved that he faced him. Thinking about this now I realize that Clark had to know in advance about the imposter.

I can’t believe I didn’t notice that before …

And there is another note, it begins with ‘SAVE HIM’. It instructs me to go to Lex’s apartment and find a wine cellar and do something with a key. Who do I have to save? It has to be Lex, who else could be in trouble in Lex’s apartment?

***

I wonder why I have written this ... ‘go into the wine cellar, take the key and lay it down next to him!’ To whom? What key? When did I write this? ‘Don’t let anyone see you!’ I don’t know why I even follow these instructions; they make no sense at all!

But still … I have this nagging feeling it is very important that I find the cellar and follow the instructions on this piece of paper.

‘Go into the right wing of the penthouse, look for an area where the walls look like those in a medieval castle, there is an old wooden door leading to a cellar. Open it and go down the stairs.’

When I arrive downstairs I gasp. “Superman!” I whisper. Or is it Clark? My writing on the paper suggested that the two men are the same and I’m pretty sure I’m right. My mind tells me only Lex can be responsible for this but my heart tells me – although I’m not in love with Lex – that the famous philanthropist – the man I wanted to marry – wouldn’t do this!

Seeing the Man of Steel laying helpless and suffering … knowing it is my friend … my … love, sends daggers through my heart and my eyes become watery. Who would do this to the gentlest and most compassionate man in the world?

That is not important right now! I have to help him, get him out of this cage. I take the key. Forget what is written on the paper! I can’t let him lie here! If this sickly glowing, green stuff is kryptonite, it will kill him! It seems to make him suffer — although he’s unconscious, he moans in agony from time to time, and every breath seems to cause further pain.

I have to save him! He is dying! But then the door opens and I jump behind some barrels and hide. I hold my breath … it is Lex!

Logically I knew Lex had to be the instigator – this is his penthouse. Who else could have done this? But there is a difference between knowing something and actually seeing it!

I am shocked to discover the depths of evil in this man I imagined I loved! He traps the Man of Steel in a cage, causes him pain which seems so intense, I can only imagine how he feels. AND as if letting him die alone in a cage wasn’t enough, he visits and torments him just for his pleasure – this is sick! It takes every ounce of my strength not to jump out and confront Lex.

Luthor gloats cruelly to Superman about our forthcoming wedding night … I shudder … the next thing he tells him is although he loves me he thinks he’ll get rid of my independence! <In your dreams! > Real love doesn’t want you to change.

Superman manages to get out that Clark Kent knows where he is. I wonder why he said this – he is Clark! If he manages to kill him there will be no Clark Kent anymore. Luthor’s only reaction is a nonchalant remark that he’d have to get rid of him as well, doesn’t he understand that if Luthor doesn’t find Clark, he’ll possibly threaten your parents to find Clark Kent? Is he insane?

Finally Luthor goes away. Fortunately, he left the key on a barrel. Before I have had the time to leave my hiding spot I hear the wedding music start – Lex installed speakers in here? Is he really that abhorrent? I see Superman struggle with unconsciousness. Finally he manages to wake up again. With his last strength he stands up and tries to break the cage … he thinks I’m up there marrying the monster! It seems to be one last desperate attempt before he finally slumps down unconscious and it has been for me.

When Superman passes out again I realize that several minutes have passed. I wasted them by watching his futile struggle against this horrible cage.

Through the speakers I hear the guests becoming anxious <perhaps because the bride is missing> I think with a grim smile.

Then I get up and run to the barrel where Lex had placed the key. I take it and put it into the lock. It slips in easily and turns smoothly. <Lex uses only the highest quality, he wouldn’t accept the second best> I think as my disgust rises into my throat.

Eventually the door is open. Now all I have to do is to get Superman out if here. I step in the cage and see him open his eyes weakly. Our gazes lock for a brief moment. I see his soul through them. I can see love and passion, friendship and trust, but I also see the hurt I caused …

I take his face into my hands and whisper “I’m so sorry for being so careless. I never intended to hurt your feelings.” A tear escapes from my eye. “You have to help me. I am going to get you out of here, but I can’t do it alone”

“No … have to go … too dangerous … will come back … kill you…leave me!” He tells me in a hoarse whisper.

Another tear runs down my face “No! I can’t let you die!” Then he slumps down again, falling back into unconsciousness from exhaustion.

Suddenly I realize the sounds from the ‘ceremony‘ has changed to chaotic noise. I hear Perry and Henderson, they tell Lex he’s charged for arson, murder and other crimes too numerous to mention. Finally Lex has been brought down.

At first Lex doesn’t believe anything but then his attitude seems to change and he realizes they are serious and that he’s doomed. I hear a short fight and footsteps – someone is running away – we have to hurry. Who knows what has happened up there?

My heart stops … the door to the cellar opens … Lex enters the room.

He looks down at the cage … spots me.

“Lois, my dear!” Lex says coldly “-We have wondered where you have been!” He fixes me with an icy stare. “I see you have discovered my little secret. Let me just finish my business here and then we can take the helicopter which is waiting for us on the roof.”

Is he out of his mind? WE won’t go anywhere and at least not together!

Lex takes the fire axe and runs down the stairs. I have to do something, he’s going to kill Superman!

I ignore the axe and run in his direction to tackle him away from Superman’s stiff-unconscious body. My action only causes him to stagger slightly. He turns on me, his gaze full of hot rage.

“Lois, I love you but I can’t accept anyone getting in my way. You could have had everything, the world would have been our oyster. But you preferred to give everything away, for him!” Lex said derisively. “I’ll take care of you, but first I do him in.”

“NO!” I scream. I try to wrest the axe out of his grip but it is futile, Lex is too strong for me. He pushes me away with one of his hands and I trip. I fall and then my head hits something hard.

I realize that my head has hit the cage and my mind drifts in and out of consciousness. I am flooded with memories. They drift before me like scenes from a movie … a very disjointed movie … your parents …at a funeral … YOUR funeral … I remember the weeks after the funeral … feeling so lonely. I remember HG Wells’ time-machine … strange I’ve never read that book … no wait, I’ve seen himself and he brought me into the past to save you … I have to get up, Lex mustn’t succeed! I also remember faintly that he said nobody should see me but I don’t care about that! I have to save you!

I can’t get up, my head hurts like hell and I’ve lost my balance.

I notice some noise around me and open my eyes. You stagger out of your cell. You are barely able to stand but you face Lex.

“You will not touch her, Luthor!” you say with cold determination. “Not as long as I live.”

“Actually, Superman I’m working on it.” Luthor grins as he raises the axe once again.

You grab the shaft of the axe and try to get it away from Luthor but you are too weak. I realize you can’t do it alone so I crawl in your direction and push my foot into the hollow of Luthor’s knee.

Lex loses his balance, falls behind some barrels and passes out after the back of his head hits the concrete. That is our chance! I look at you – now I’m sure you are Clark – and you nod in silent understanding. We have to get out of here!

You grab my arm and help me to get up –that is typical for you – you barely manage to stay on your own feet and still give everything for me.

Together we stumble to the door, away from these horrible events – I’m sure we both look as if we are completely wasted, but it is not important right now.

The stairs now seem like an insurmountable obstacle. I’m still dizzy and you … I don’t know where you draw the strength to stand, let alone walk.

Being with you again is everything I need, I shake my head to clear it. Then I begin to walk up the stair dragging you behind me.

As soon as we are out of this horrible room, I hear footsteps coming our way and notice that you’ve stopped. Then I realize why you’re hesitating: no one should see Superman in a weakened state! Superman has to remain invulnerable in the public eye.

We have to think fast to find a solution, I spot a door. Carefully I look inside – a storage closet – we hide inside while we hear Henderson and his man run past us.

“There were fighting noises in this part of the penthouse! The four of you follow me, the rest searches the other doors! There is a wine cellar down here! Perhaps we can also find Ms Lane down there.” That is Henderson’s voice, he is instructing his men to search for Luthor … and me?

Several minutes later the police reappear with their prisoner – who still looks light-headed.

I motion to you to wait in here while I slip out of the closet, Henderson and his men are already down the floor and when I call “Henderson” he turns around.

“God, Lane you nearly gave me a heart attack! Where the hell have you been?” He tells the officers to bring Luthor to a police car and walks back to me. “And what the hell have you done?” He asks me after he stands directly in front of me.

I realize that I must look really ruffled.

“I did your job Henderson! I stopped the bad guy!” I snap. Then I realize that the sudden motion isn’t any good for my head.

Suddenly the headache is back and it pairs up with dizziness. I can feel myself passing out, my legs become wobbly and the world fades out.

***

I don’t know how much time has passed when I finally wake up, but all I can think of is you. My head still hurts but it has improved. I am in an ambulance. I need to get out and look for you.

I see Perry, walk over to him and ask, “Where is Clark?”

“Honey, Clark is I missing.” He tells me in a worried voice. “We haven’t seen him since the day before yesterday.”

I struggle to understand this information because it makes no sense. I have seen you. I know you are not missing.

But I can still feel the dread rising in me.

Then I hear it – your voice. “I’m here Lois, I’m here!” I turn and see you. My heart thumps and my mouth just can’t help smiling.

You look weaker than I’ve ever seen you, but so happy. The sparkle in your eyes is something I thought I would never see again. It is the most amazing sight I’ve ever seen, you are beautiful.

I run to you as fast as my still-weak legs allow me. When I reach you I throw my arms around your neck and I feel yours slip around my waist… Tears stream down my face, but this time they are happy tears. At some point, I notice my hair is damp –you are crying, too.

There is something else – you are trembling – only slightly – I wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t been so close to you. I draw you closer to me to comfort both of us. I think I can only assume how hard this had been for you.

My heart is full of joy, you are here – with me. I’ll never let you go again. Never!

But… we still have to talk. My face heats as I remember how terribly I treated you.

“Clark-” I begin but you interrupt me.

“Sssh Lois, it is ok!” You try to calm me but have exactly the opposite effect. Will you ever let me finish a sentence?

“Clark, we have to talk.” I tell you.

“Lois, I agree … but not now. Could we please just be here … together?”

“Ok, Clark!” I lean back into your embrace and the rest of the world fades out.

Finally I feel safe … whole … loved… secure … again…

***

We leave as soon as we are allowed to. It seems that I have given my statement to every cop in Metropolis, but finally every last one of them is satisfied with my answers.

Without talking to each other we decide to walk to your apartment. You take my hand and we simply enjoy being together.

We don’t say much while we walk, but I don’t mind. I think about the previous days and how they changed everything. I also think about the other time-line … Wells told me that I would forget those events and I did … but now I can remember and I don’t think I’ll ever forget again.

I know your big secret and also I know I have to tell you as soon as I can. But not tonight. We are completely drained both physically and emotionally. Neither of us has any stamina left to discuss this.

At present, our complete contentment is found is simply being together. I close my eyes knowing with absolute certainty that you will prevent me from falling if I stumble.

With my eyes closed, my other senses become more aware. I can feel your clothes where our arms are entwined. I take a deep breath and I can smell your cologne. I love the way it mixes with your own smell. Do you feel the same way? Do you like my ‘aroma’? Do you close your eyes sometimes to feel, to smell, to sense?

We arrive at your apartment and the feeling of being home becomes even more intense. Without saying a word you let go of my hand and walk into the kitchen while I move to sit on the sofa.

A few minutes later you join me with two cups of coffee. We sip at our coffees – neither of us wants to break the comfortable silence. I lean into you just to feel you.

I know we have to talk about so many things but not tonight, the only thing I want from this night to the reassurance that we are both still alive and won’t leave each other alone.

t. b. c.

[Demi]

Part 4 /Epilogue

I had to reorganize my whole life … I never went back to work at LNN again – I couldn’t – everything there reminded me of the worst decision I ever made. I don’t think anyone noticed in the chaos of the previous day.

I wonder what you did after I left your apartment. As far as I know Superman hasn’t made an appearance since those horrible events in Lex’s cellar.

Are your powers back? Are they gone for good? It has to be agonizing for you not knowing. Your parents told me – in the other timeline – that one of the things you wanted most was to be normal, like every other man. Perhaps you are physically like every other man now but you will never be anything but extraordinary.

I hope I can convince you that even if your powers never come back, Superman isn’t gone. He will always be here as long as you are alive and fighting for everything you believe in.

The biggest news today is the re-opening of the Planet. It is amazing that Perry managed to convince Franklin Stern so quickly after Lex’s demise. I already knew that because it was also planned in the other timeline. I had feared that something I did to help you had changed that, but apparently not.

I called you and we agreed to meet in front of the Daily Planet to watch the globe being installed again.

At the moment I am walking to the building. Soon we’ll meet and then I can tell you what I know and how much I missed you.

I’ll tell you I understand how you – Superman – reacted after I was dragged into the alley. I’ll tell you I understand the conversation that followed; now I know why you looked so distraught then. I can only imagine how much I have hurt you. I remember being angry at this woman – myself.

When I arrive I see you standing in front of the building, waiting for the truck that carries the globe. I feel my love rising in my chest, my heart is filled with it, how could I survive the last days without seeing you? You are so gorgeous – I want to run to you and bury myself in your arms. I wish I never had to leave you again.

I still can’t do that, I wouldn’t believe myself after everything I’ve done to you, how can I expect you to believe me?

I draw near next to you, together we look up in the direction of our former – and hopefully future – newsroom. We are both lost in our memories for several minutes until we hear a noise that indicates the arrival of the Planet’s emblem.

I take a deep breath. Perry, Jimmy, Jack and Mr. Stern are all there. It finally seems that everything is returning to normal.

When I release the breath, I notice that you are looking at me and telling me: “It is beautiful, isn’t it?”

I realize that you are not talking about the globe, but I decide I’ll pretend that I haven’t noticed it.

You think I’m beautiful … I close my eyes and let your words repeat in my mind over and over Perhaps there is still hope for us to become more than friends.

***

We stay in front of the Planet building to talk to Perry and the others for awhile but finally they leave us alone. You turn to me and we both start to talk.

“Clark-”

“Lois-”

“Clark, please let me speak first …” I begin, but as always I am interrupted by you.

“No Lois,” you tell me. “I have to tell you something first!” <Doesn’t this man ever let me talk first?> I’m annoyed. “That day in the park, I shouldn’t have told you that I love you. I didn’t make it easier for you, I am sorry, I should have supported you because … “ He moves his arm behind his back <Why does he do this?> “… it isn’t true! I don’t love you Lois I would have said anything to prevent you from marrying Luthor! But I am sorry that I couldn’t do more for you. I wish we had found the evidence earlier.”

I am shocked. You lied? You don’t love me?

What am I to do now? Do I still tell you? Is it fair to put you into the same position you thought you’d put me? Or do I want to go back to the easy friendship we shared before this whole ordeal?

Finally I decide to tell you and then we can decide together if there is any chance for a *us*.

“Lois, are you ok?” I realize that you expect me to react.

“Yes, I’m all right but … I also have something I want to tell you, but not here. How about you make me some coffee in your apartment?”

You look at me curiously, but don’t object. “Sure.”

***

Ten minutes later I sit on your sofa.

As we walked to your apartment I tried to figure out how to approach this delicate subject. I still have no idea, but it made me anxious.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

When I hear you put a cup of coffee in front of me I look at you and wait until you are seated comfortably.

I suppress the urge to jump up and pace.

After taking another deep breath I begin hesitantly. “Clark, you are my best friend …”How do I go on without telling him about the other future and H.G. Wells? Is there still the danger of causing these time ripping thingys?

“The past few days were extremely stressful for both of us,“ I say. “But they showed me some things. This is not easy for me …” Finally I give in to the urge to pace; I know that I am stalling for time. “Do you remember the day the second Superman appeared?”

You nod, I know that you remember, but I had to find a way to begin.

“The evening he … showed up at my apartment and tried to kiss me, perhaps even to take advantage of me? You showed up then and faced him … I didn’t notice it then but you caught his hand! Did you even realize it? You caught Superman’s hand to stop him from hurting me. I was so blind, then. Now I see it. What I am trying to say is: I know you are Superman.”

You turn white. “Lois … I…”

“No Clark,” I interrupt you. “This time you’ll let me talk until I have said everything I need to get out.”

I glare at you and you nod.

“Don’t even try to convince me you’re not. It won’t work. I discovered your secret and I understand why you didn’t tell me, especially after that day in the park. I am so angry at myself!”

You attempt to speak but decide otherwise after I glare at you again.

“Anyway that brings me to the other topic I wanted to tell you … I knew this would be difficult.” <And it didn’t become easier after you told me that you don’t love me.> “Clark, I realized another thing in the previous days. I came close to losing you, closer than you perhaps realize. I saw Lex with the axe … and I didn’t care about my own life anymore I just wanted you to live. I would have given everything for you,” I explain, feeling tears gathering in my eyes. I fight them away and swallow before I continue.

“I would have given everything for you because … I love you.” My tears return – I can’t stop them anymore – and I look in your eyes. “You said you lied that day in the park, that you aren’t in love with me. I have to accept that, I just wanted you to know. I also want you to know that I won’t tell anyone …” Then your lips are on mine – I didn’t notice when you stood up, and why are you kissing me?

I close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling of your lips on mine.

Could it possibly … possibly mean what I hope it means? A little voice in my head asks.

Could it be that you lied … not in the park … but at the new Planet building? It goes on, my mind is beginning to reel.

Could it be that you love me? The way your lips are caressing mine, this kiss … it gives me my answer …

Then you draw back, look directly into my eyes and whisper, “I love you, Lois.”

The end...

***

That's it! I hope y'all enjoyed the ride.